(inter)subjetividad: relevante recordarla para no caer en monointerpretaciones inválidas propias y de otrxs "autorid(t)a(ri)d(es)"
“sólo veo desde un punto, pero en mi existencia soy mirado desde todas partes” (Lacan, 1992)
Don't forget.
{How do I get to know who I want to be?
the past people could help me trough
so I could choose better the people I want to engage with and ask them how to become...
otherwise how will I be able to sell something I don't know what it is
Nobody would}
Even the perspectives you don't want to hear go for it
be brave and learn to choose which is really your angle
and what is a
*N o, Frankenstein is perfect! JUST THE WAY HE IS~
BIAS
https://www.paredro.com/impresionante-escultura-cambia-segun-el-angulo-por-el-que-se-vea/
and
ACHTUNG!
as you could have noticed with the reading of the first ones
it could be even inside of you
Learn to distinguish the twist
I ain't got a brother there anymore to support me and to challenge those wrong perspectives I might be having
... he might have gotten bored of the same story I guess
as everybody
at least she's got him still...
Is it the answer? To go even further before I even existed?
could it be?
instead of asking for answers, looking
for words interpeting them analysing them as I've been doing observing
staying on the edge on the comfort zone
~I had a really weird dream last day with me living in a poor neighboorhood because I was on visit or working there and it were dangerous strreets on the night and I came back and there were a lot of corpses on the floor living corpses tiny all covered cold with the opened door
i couldn't close the door and I kind of wanted to close I was worried and I decided that some of those bodies might stay outside because I couldn't close the door it was a huge door there wer so many tiny bodes
Then somebody came he mended it I don't know how but gave me a disapproval look and I felt ashamed because I was supposed to be a social person worried about the wellbeing of others and I wanted to leave some bodies of the too many bodies you couldn't even walk through almost, out...
I had another dream we were all sleeping with the same blanket on a huge floor and I moved to sleep with women near to not get some surprise on the night
and the other weird dream that I almost don't remember is that I was shopping on the mall in the pandemics
something like that
it doesn't make any sense or does it? does it show my fears?
there was another one on a school we couldn't finish to come inside and then we came to sleep at some big floor on that school, it was like a pirate ship
weird dreams.~
It might not make a big change if I don't keep notes or a diary of metacognition and feelings anyways
just like I let them destroy my growth and independence built after my exchange
just like people that want to be reinserted in society after being inside of jail but come back into their fucking same places and end up commiting crime again...
without any support without any new opportunity without a genuine follow-up
2020-2021
same difference...
if I don't make any...
And there are so many possible differences or ideas in my head I don't know where to start which is the most important how to prioritize
and I stay there open up other webinar interact a little with people and that's how I've beein living I've not practized that storytelling or those shits of who I am
then a tiny opportunity to earn some money
and then again
a new pandemic circle of life not really lived at which I start day by day to forget how to speak to people how to make myself understand
within this tiny little circle of people of whom I want approval trying to please them asking to many times to not commit any mistakes be perfect
and then by getting frutstrated because I didn't advance on me
what me the wht was I doing why was I doing it and again the meaningess journey filled by clourses and webinars and talking with people
as if I would feel less alone
more companionship
more support
Where are the stars?
I know where my dreams and my fears are
where are the stars?
I know about the pain in my back in my tired eyes that never get ebough rest
wheere are the stars?
Am I not patient enough Am I not strategic enough
Am I not brave enough?
The fears, some of them
where are the stars?
Why couldn't I speak fluently to those women
got stuck
Why?
Why is it so hard to speak to people "in person" through the cellphone to a videocall
Why?
Where are the stars
I don't feel like they are closer
I feel like they are fucking far
Maybe I need their help to speak to someone
I am losing it and nobody is reacting or taking care
I need help [by helping, hopefully]
I really need someboy telling me clearly I didn't understand you can you try again
instead of just smiling and looking the other way or just pasing by or even not reacting or caring
I've been earing for too long or taing alone with just an echo for too long
it can't keep going that way
I can't let it be that way, stay that way
I am not accepting to become a dead flower before the point
I know I can do so much more
I did
I just need to learn to use that energy wisely to come where I belong
the person I really am.
What was your key motivator?
To help somebody like me, to help a woman without a stable and dignified job, as an unheard and silenced child locked up on a cage without the opportunity to play and explore outside of it on her own, as a full-of-fears-and-insecurities person that thinks of herself of being alone
...
No quiero tener miedo de que me pregunten cuéntame de ti, viajaste a tu interior, quién eres, qué música te gusta
acto seguido tartamudear o hablar de tal forma en que no se entiende, que se corte el celular, la llamada, se me quede en negro o blanco el pc, sudar, específicamente, gotas de sudor corriendo por mis axilas con y sin depilar, asociado a sentimientos de inseguridad vergüenza miedo al rechazo a equivocarme a ser dejada de lado
solo quiero girar fluir ser
y chao los juicios y las heridas autoinflingidas creer a ciegas las palabras del resto sin escucharme a mí misma, dejar de creerme mis propias creencias autoflagelantes autolimitantes y victimizantes
pero cómo a una planta un cáctus no puedes llegar y echarle mucha agua porque se ahoga y muere
aunque le coloques más tierra no lo podrás arreglar de tal modo
no puedes estar a cada rato revisando si ya ha crecido la semilla
estás interrumpiendo su PROCESO
para comenzar a girar es tan simple y complejo como comenzar a girar
Para comenzar a girar
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