and the daffodils look lovely today

"Al final, la serie te deja claro que la justicia que realmente importa para sanar no es la que impone un juez, sino la que tú construyes contigo misma cuando decides que el daño que te hicieron ya no va a definir el resto de tu vida."

-Gemini 

The pattern, I actually can decide to break it or not

It's not about just blaming myself for not doing it and letting myself just sink in old thoughts

It is that thing related to power

Taking it back 

It is not fair to let my story be written by other people's past behaviors and the consequences in me

"I may destroy you" was hard to watch at times but it was so real

Like the avoidance of the painand not being willing to face it denying it

Imagining ways to take vengeance

But life goes on and I decided subconsciously that locking myself in a girl's room was the safest way for me to be safe

It does not feel like being alive though

They might be a huge influence in my mental health issues but I chose to stay a bit longer

And I think that was what hurt the most knowing that by the moment nor my mental health or future finance status is stable or clear

But still I am the one hiding from possible bullies and therefore my life turnt out to be boring as hell

Not saying it because I want to be bullied again but I let them win

I let their harm define who I am right now

And honestly I don't remember when I started questioning being alive

But I highly doubt it used to be that way before the influence and that way I blame them but not interacting with them won't take me back into that happy innocent version of myself again 

Too sensitive or sensible

But it is done

Too much overthinking

Turn the gemini off

Even they said I am protecting myself or avoiding real social interactions by using it almost all the time

 Please don't stop trying to live

Or you will regret it and they don't deserve to define your path

It is not fair 

I know it is VERY hard to find someone like her, the person she used to be when she lived but locked here in a room it becomes impossible

No Terry no Kwame will look after you

I know it's sad

I know you locked them away too

I know you think it is not fair you don't have that experience of having supportive people surrounding you anymore

It is actually very hard all the people that just drifted away and won't be probably back looking after you

But locked in your room you know you are letting them win 

Wanting to die because of a prick or twat that tells you you have no friends what if it's true it is none of his business and don't let him win

You are better than that don't lwt them write your own story

Not everyone is like them and you know it and you know also you will have to experience them also to get someone like her again

You deserve to enjoy your life

Don't let yourself be defined by fear or harm or gaslight

People is people

You can choose to leave them if you feel uncomfortable or unsafe like in your room but first live don't just stay because of being scared

You know in Switzerland you did not live much

And that's what you regret the most

Your brother, he had a really tough time

But he stayed there bravely and looked for OPPORTUNITIES and he found them, he believed he could do it on his own

Believing it is the first step.

Don't let yourself be gaslighted, or don't let others let you down even if they are family, see through people, learn, practice and experiment

Life is a journey and you won't be here forever, I promise