the bloom of youth

I don't know why people tend to say younger years are the best or tell you things like you being in the bloom of youth, I don't really think so or feel that way it depends on so many things like context and also genes and how you cope with problems or challenges you may face along the way. Sometimes I get into those thoughts again like life is a bit depressing just like chapters of a series you watch to not think about your own life just filling the days like a glass with wine. I know I might be my own stopper for my growth, but still questioning being alive has been a constant all of my life, all the younger years, and still like why was I born and why in an overprotective environment with gaslighting behaviors, why my friend died and not me, when will I be brave enough to be alive and live? And if I would achieve that, what would it exactly imply? Dealing with money issues, mean people, environmental issues and war and not getting so depressed in that process?
And the only thing you worry about is having made a mistake by buying a bed that does not help you with your back problems and that pain obviously does not make you feel as young as people say you look like

  https://open.spotify.com/track/2id8E4WvczfKHB4LHI7Np3?si=CQWVjwL7SKG9ni9PSeGORg