lo que más te sirva, lo que más te guste

 y si son contrarios o si asumo que me sigue gustando lo mismo que hace mil años y no he parado a pensarlo?

nada volverá a ser como antes.

covid news.

and my life is weird now

I look at them and I don't know if I wanna be like them or not

if I'm afraid of failure and that's why I try this or of ot's truly boring to me now what I used to do

no games no playing.

But when I do this it is so difficult and I feel I've not learned anything at all and I'm just there because of the market and I do not understand anything and get easily overwhelmed by all the technical new concepts and techniques I would still have to learn

but at least it is more concrete there is more application and needs nowadays related to it and it could be applied to sth with sense one day when I understand it

 

Isn't it?

What do I want? Where do I want to come?

 

I'm not asleep but a little lost finding sense on the journey and then losing it subsequently.

 

I only eat a lot of chocolate ever since that happened what happened. But I haven't reflected upon it just leaving to them the decision of what my life could turn into...

I only know that...

It is not as I thought it would be and I can't say no to the ones that accepted me "as I was" even if it was to fulfill their purposes. Not now, at least not now. 

And I'll be always grateful. ALWAYS.

Because just as I was was enough just being willing to learn just that and you were in nothing more nothing less. And then we just were. And that's it, no secrets no nothing complicated to explain to me why I wasn't chosen.