reflexiones durante y después de ver ¿Qué pasó con Brittany Murphy? -heartbreaking
at
least
poverty
won't
get
me
close
to these sociopaths
nadie nos roba porque no tenemos nada ...
like simon monjack
but...
igual esa gente te roba lo que puede
tu fama todo
mientras te roben tu seguridad y vivacidad
ya están felices.
he took one her virginity manipulating her emotionally to get pregnant due to a cancer he never really had, got a child and left her for another woman. To probably suck her life and money and energy too
lo que puede hacerte sentir la carencia de una figura paterna o refuerzos de que no eres suficiente por ti misma o una ausencia de loving mother
the fuckin' chains
but she (my mentor, I don't pay her -like I used to to my psychologist that left me alone without any goodbye words beyond whatsapp and emails -.-, my still enterprise does pay her it and she might have also chosen i
she told me not to get isolated, she told me to be close to my enemies
that it wasn't strategical or cynnical
it was about trying out the water cautiously to learn if it was someone I could trust or to take care of
but anyways this kind of people needed someone to rely on
because they couldn't manage on themselves to be floating
she recommended me to ask questions always to find out the truth
to play out as being curious.
I'm still choosing isolation,
it might not be like before
all these vacations I spent time alone in the house watching series without any call or invitation
there might be some people that really want to hang out with me now
but I didn't appear or they left me hanging and
honestly I don't know them enough
I'm afraid of playing the fool again
and all of a sudden not getting any anwers to my questions, genuine curiosity and kind words
Being left out again
...
So, I thought
If I am alone already and can stand on to myself even if I'm sad
nobody could hurt me or manipulate me emotionally to make me pregnant or do whatever they want to do with me
like
telling me we won't see each other again if I don't accept
that's threatening
fuck off, I just want my fuckin' books back
I lent them to you with my soul open with all the spirit so you could grow and learn
it was a fuckin' mistake I trusted you
I was, like Brit (but not comparable, obviously) at my worst moment emotionally, it was the first time my grandma stopped talking to me, now she did it again
shit.
I might be already protecting myself unconsciously(?
I know for sure now
you just said what I wanted to hear so you could meet me
suck it manipulative controlling guy
it was too fast
and then after promising the stars you fuckin' disappeared
fuck off after returning me my books
I don't have to feel sorry because you never really felt something for me
proof of it
when I was down again you just couldn't even have a meet call
that is not even being a friend
making me feel like I was crazy when I am with you
reminding me the worst of being home...
I have to believe all the signs I feel in my body and leave
end of the story
with this guy
so,
yeah
but I have to come out again
and make a fake smile even if she says is not being cynnical at all.
It is to me.
I'm tired of that, I want to be real and I want real people around me.
Why is it so hard to get?
Is it because I freaked out and I'm still locked down in my room?
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