maybe I'm turning crazier since I said I wouldn't keep writing here because I had to write publicly and be mature, but

 I'm turning mad

I needed it as an escape of my thoughts

Dieses zyklisches Denken

about my future and stagnation

and her

all the time her

 

maybe on friday my anxiety could be reduced into shatters or butterflies or even better fireflies in the garden

or maybe just putting the burden into trash

where it belongs

but for now I have to stay alive with contradictory feelings

hug her leave her forget her kiss her

 

and even though I've been trying to keep avoiding it I almost can't think anymore

 

I daydream constantly

 I've gone mad. 

Because if she likes me why sometimes she's even been hurtful towards me

 

I don't want the pain.

Why if I am with someone else she suddenly appears  ?

Is it still present?

do you lie or do you tell the truth?

will we finally meet on friday?

will I see you before that day?

Will I be able to wait without getting fired from a client I don't really like? [I have that answer yet: No.]

Will you touch me again?

 

and why do I feel so afraid of showing you how I feel?

 

Why would you still be willing to talk to me even though it's been like a month?

And why would you want to talk to me if you would not feel something for me?

Why am I always the first one to talk and you the first to touch?

 

 15/7/23 13:56