if we didn't have to pay for the things that make us feel good or healthier, would

It be a better world?

Or we would still be choosing the same old patterns?

Why to live

What is the purpose of living if your life is meaningless 

You study to not talk

You work for one day having enough money to leave your parents 

Your parents telling you your decisions are horrible

. 

I just stopped there 

because even though I'm still jumping around not knowing what to do or not daring to perform my real vocational career 

I've heard other stories of sorrow and parents forbidding their children to choose their careers or chasing their dreams expressed clearly on ther actions and genuine interests

Mm

Was I lucky then?, was or am I brave enough to keep looking for it? 

While landing on the floor of my filthy room with flies and spiders

"The floor is your best friend..." 

My bed never gave me an answer 

Neither the walls did

Never

The more I talked to them

The least answers they gave me

The bathroom gives me ideas and doubts

The kitchen brings me anxiety and repetitive tasks of always having to wash shit of other ungrateful people

Nature is always the best but with bugs

But the floor even as filthy as it is now, the floor always contains and supports me

When I started writing or doing my homework happier or happily it was always on the floor and not on the desk

I always felt uncomfortable at the desk but at home on the floor 

It's true

When I'm sad there it is

Under everything 

The floor. 

Soon I'll no longer be in that position or lying down waiting to be kicked, passively I'll be able to perform self-defense.

With fear or not. 

I'll fight back until I find my way out into a happier space that deserves my real happy me. Where I can be me on the floor.