mood about that girl-let your habits control you

 

A long while ago, she surprisingly hugged me

she seemed to care about my presence

and looked so happy

that it made me happy just seeing her and being there

 

but well

my low self esteem might be reaching unknown borders .-.

'cause yesterday after have been dumped

I wrote them

the ones I used to talk to in my previous enterprise I used to work 

or in parallel really but left a year ago

One just answered for me to get a position in my current enterprise for his sister

and the other had been fired and told me she would call me after but actually didn't.

Yeah,

I guess I still don't know how to have or be friends with people.

I wanted some real warmth, not the one coming from the sun, but from humans I used to appreciate, people I thought that cared about me but lost touch with time...

 I guess it doesn't work that way, to be there sometimes and then to disappear and then to come back and being willing everything to remain the same as it used to be and to be received with opened arms... 

 

(-.- But I still like those experiences, even if they surprise me because I didn't expect them, 

I like to feel accepted and liked just the way I am:

with my coming and going, 

the social part and the most quiet needing part, both are part of me

you can make them both meet you if you invite them both to the party)

 

Yesterday, I fell asleep listening to this song

and then in the dream there was a bad person bullying me or harming me and I stepped out of that place but then he followed me to my new place :/

but then 

-to my big surprise-

a group of women 

I believe some of my current enterprise because I recognized some of them

appeared and surrounded me and gave me a group hug

for a long one

I was surprised

and half asleep 

because of my tiredness 

while they were doing that but also felt cool and comfy  

surrounded by that huge and soft hug ^^