i would like to shut myself down

Like a vm

But having no memory

Being shut down and rest in peace until I feel okay again

Now, as a bodily experience, the eyes especially. Last week it was only emotional tiredness. 

I wanna get healthy like a managed instance group when it is... 

But I'm alone. 

Everything is weird now 

They're firing people with lots of years of experience that did a great job actually 

People from which I learned very much and helped me be working where I am now, even when having no previous experience at it or a related career. 

{This work, even if sending me to alive lions, gave me the opportunity to grow and step a little outside of the comfort zone, I got experiences with real clients that still make me nervous and they were opened to me when I only found closed doors on my career and title I studied hard to get and my father paid for.} 

It still makes me sad. 

Now it is not about me, it is a global issue probably due to this year long war between Rusia and Ukraine, unbelievable that they are still fighting and covid and all stuff and leaders don't always take the best decisions I guess... If there are still wars they don't worry about the people only power snd resources, I don't know, but I stil can't believe it is still happening, I didn't want to know anymore about it, but its effects are being global and affecting everything: decisions of the enterprises of how snd who to hire, decisions of individuals to take or not vacation, decisions to cut finance to social projects, cutting people out of their jobs, it's huge. 

Nothing can apparently save you 

Maybe 

Only networking 

D'oh I'm still bad at it. 

But yeah, somehow I'll rise again 

That might be the reason why my brother can't still go out, it's so sad, but it's too risky nowadays for us millennials to buy a house and even renting an apartment, every price has risen up

... And he's still an idiot; no, that doesn't have anything to do with it. 

This whole situation reminds me of when I was unemployed. 

Those were the times when I finally knew who was for real there, willing to give me a hand or at least a little gesture of humanity and recognition 

And that is the really good thing about crisis or critical situations

You know then who you can really count or rely on.

But I'm still afraid and tired at the same time

I want to sleep and have a rest and then when I wake up I still wanna have a job. 

I don't want the uncertainty again 😞

But I know I can deal with it even if the toxic family is around 

The world could be crashing down

But they- even if being toxic- they still haven't fired me from home. 

But I really wanted to leave one day, eventually and I had at least a path to follow to grow in my career and salary in this industry. But all industries seem to be crashing down. 

 Probably, I'll have to learn something new and restart again in who knows what this time.

 I know I'm capable to learn. I'm just a bit too tired and still don't know the right path to follow to be happy and not poor at the same time.

But I won't stay with my arms crossed, I promise if I get some little more time or if I get fired

 I won't be again afraid of asking, even if it didn't work too well last time, and as usual, I will learn new things that will lead me to progress somehow. 

I know now I have more real life experiences and knowledge and a little more diverse networking than before. 

So, yeah, don't give up.

(sigh) what would my life be like if I couldn't do this relieving practice of writing my current worries.